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by Tiny Moving Parts

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I can see your smile shine So brightly through the window. Our wishing well has cracked in the concrete. The water fled, our love went obsolete.  I can’t get used to this. I feel so different. Pitch black clouds dance above the Midwest sky all the time. I try to block them out with my makeshift satellite.  I try to shut them down, I try every night.  The front door is closed but I can see your smile Shine so brightly through the window. There’s a fascinating canvas painting that dwells in the corner of my skull. You made my life worth living when I was incapable. A small portion would make me feel I was worth something. I want to exist in your heart just a little bit.  I just want to exist for a second. There is nothing left to hold. Blown out candle smoke. You made my life worth living when I couldn’t.
The stress may bring out the death of me. Ever since you left, I have felt empty. Silhouettes, my only close friends. Desperately searching for something Ever since you left. I needed company. So why can’t I just stand still? Why do I always move in circles? I’m sick of the spins. I’m sick of all of this. Every echo is driving me crazy. It’s a never ending cycle to me. I cannot speak with my tongue Caught up in my teeth. Will you break me open? I have something to say About the way you make me Crumble to my knees. I am nothing special, but I try to be. I’m just a light bulb endlessly flickering the streets. I am nothing. Ever since you left, I could feel my mind Decomposing slowly inside. Every echo is driving me crazy.
I’m bathing in exhaustion. A never ending train wreck. I swear my legs, they function, But I’m assembled to crawl. I’m heading east of Benson to glorify a casket. Whether it's Swift Falls or St. Paul. I can’t spend another weekend at a funeral.  I will try again. I need psychologic paralyzing medicine To forget who I am. Forever freeze in silence. I need to forget who I am. I need something symbolic to rupture. I want to seek some unforeseen color. Please get me outside with sunlight Reflecting off a waterfall. I can’t spend another weekend at a funeral. Will you twist my vision into a perfect blur? Will you pull me underwater? Drag me down headfirst?
It was a malfunction corrupted in the system. An accidental focus led to faulty circuits. It’s all fictional. No antidotes. No plot holes. You keep skimming through, Green eyes are glued. I am terrified of losing you. I can’t do this alone. Someone please open the door. I can’t do this alone anymore. You were the one charm that kept me so strong. I think about it every morning when I'm awake. It strikes to my brain and I can’t shake it. Back this up, flip the switch. Turn it around again. Back this up, an accidental focus. You keep skimming through. Green eyes are glued. I am terrified of all of my skeletons drowning in my closet. Let them speak for a minute. Spill out all my secrets. It’s beautiful like icicles In the morning glow. Glow on forever.
I want to jump off of this bridge. Headfirst into the water and swim, But this lake is clearly frozen. Let’s waltz across this kitchen floor, One more time before you go. This is our final farewell to say goodnight. So, what am I supposed to say? My trembling vertebrae is bound to snap. It’s never helped me stand up straight. The clock arms wave time away. I tried to breathe in our love, My lungs were never enough. I tried to breathe in our love, Ended up coughing blood. I loved you more than I loved myself. I gave it my all, but you could not tell. I need to find emergency friends Because I swear to God that I ran out of them. I loved you more than I loved myself. I loved you more than I loved myself.
When the drugs wore off You had an endless cough That sent turbulence to your head. You wish the pillow ate your teeth. You wish you melted in the sheets. Reality is so sickening, but you have to deal with it. You have to move on as I do too, And everyone around you. Erase my mind. I need a clean slate. Discover the energy. Find what’s underneath. When the spark went off You lost your touch With all the people that you loved. You wish the high would come and stick. A structured coma of infinite bliss. Don’t be scared. Get ready to fight. I am a polar bear.
Last night I took a shower and got a bloody nose. Looking down as the iron water loves to decorate my toes. My brain gets stuck, All I can think is my insides gave up. They’re ready to go, but I’m not ready to go. I want to live forever. Cleanse your skin, Your heart within. Release energy to your veins As water dances down the drain. My confidence has left my head again. It all dissolved like a fading sunset. No looking back, just focus on what’s coming. What part of the plan did I not understand? They say, “No looking back” But I’m not ready to go.
Let’s breathe each other in. Midwest like a tundra. The sun doesn’t touch us. Seems like we’re frozen all the time. Try to stay high. Feel the warmth inside Before your bones slowly paralyze. I need your skeleton. There is a soft spot for you underneath my skin. I’ll never be content unless you sink in. I want to be the breath inside of your lungs. So let’s breathe each other in. You’re just like a movie with no proper ending. Seems like a purpose we’ll never find. Try to stay high. Feel the fresh air rise Before your plane fractures in the sky. Trickle to the ocean. Come on down. I cannot process anything until we become one. Nor speak another sentence without words from your tongue. My muscles have frozen, but I swear this is love.
Nothing seems to matter when I close my eyes. I produce any color in this darkness I’m behind. No need to feel lost. No need to feel stuck. My brain is like scissors, Always ready to cut. I’m ready to cut, Divide a fraction of the light. To shed and brightly shine the other side. Sometimes I can’t shake the certain things that I want to. Cut, divide this dilating shadow size. Slice the silhouettes. Shine like ornaments.  Splash the water on my face. Flood the engine, stitch the break. Shine like ornaments at night. Someone fix me. This time I can’t shake.
Can we just pull the plug? Let’s all go home. I‘m sick to my stomach, you're pale as a ghost. You cannot handle another Minnesota winter alone. Take the shortcut. It’s hard to bounce back When you’ve ran out of luck. Pull the thread, unwind your head. Twirl a mess until there is nothing left. Ramble and reminisce. I will listen. Making love in the parking lots. Drunk on the sidewalks. Everybody runs when someone yells “Cops!" Spit it out of your mouth while you still can. I’m on my way out. I’ll give you a Hallmark get well soon card. Slide it under your front door. Don’t break your back when you bend To pick it off the floor. In the end, it’s just words on cardboard That can never fix your cancer. It’s the awful truth, but that’s how life goes. An envelope could never fix you, But it’s strange how I like to think so.


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released September 13, 2019


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Tiny Moving Parts Benson, Minnesota

Family band from Benson, Minnesota.


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